Lessons for my children

This article is a continuous work to which I will keep on adding lessons. The idea behind this continuous work is to find a set of principles that do not fail the test of time and are durable, no matter the advancements in our society. This is a collection of observations that, had someone taught me, I would have created less friction with the world around me. Less friction means more happiness, more awareness, more success.

[first publication - 20th June, 2023] [last update - 15th April, 2025]

Introduction

Subjects (to be) covered:

1. Learning - learners always win
2. Parents - they are not gods
3. Introspection - the tool of an explorer
4. Life is not short - stop saying that
5. Tabos - artifical constructs of society that have zero value
6. Validation - the foundation of your personality must be built on yourself
7. Dopamine - work for it, do not be a junkie
8. Death - study it, analyize it, do not avoid it.

1. Learning - learners always win*

Learning is the most important thing in life. Learning is the capacity to have an adaptable mind and realize that nothing in life is immovable or fixed. The ability to learn is tightly coupled with the evolution and success of the individual.

Our school system is broken - it programs our minds and subconscious to expect a life that is static and already figured out - teachers tell us, "This is math. This is history. This is how the world looks like. This is what the world is". They teach us like the world is entirely figured out. This is incredibly, incredibly wrong. I could go on, and on, and on about how bad this is. It kills creativity. It kills innovation. It is simply not factually true. The number of things we do not know is infinite, while the things we do, is acutely finite. The geniuses of our world do not have only the "raw horsepower" (IQ) to compute and think, but they also realize that this limited perspective over the world is deeply flawed, and they manage to break out of it. They start thinking dynamically. For this reason, the capacity to always learn is paramount.

Expectations kill an incredible amount of people - literally and figuratively. If you expect life to be static, and many people deeply do, your entire life will be a fight. A fight to be still, to have peace and to try to stop the world from moving. This will kill you, because after decades and decades of subtly fighting the world around you, you will just say "I'm tired, I give up". And set your mind (without being aware) on death.

As an entrepreneur, I see how my mind is struggling to learn - it is struggling to adapt, and I have to teach it to learn - to learn better and faster. The less friction I have when learning, the faster I win. I see improvements and I make progress, but also I see how historically I have created friction against learning - and this is because I was taught to expect a static world. A deeply flawed perspective over the world, leads to a deeply flawed expectation, to deep disappointment and, in the end, to defeat (either mental & emotional defeat, or in extreme cases, physical defeat - aka death).

Learners always win. It may seem slow or that it is not working, and your mind will go into overdrive, become hyperactive and you may panic - depending on the situation, this can be for different reasons, but it will always boil down to feeling that you cannot handle the situation and feel overwhelmed. Relax. Remind yourself that you can learn the new environment. Observe. Adapt. And you will win. It can be something more "trivial" like fixing your car, or more "high stakes" like a negotiation, or the life of your business. Relax. Learn. Adapt. Overcome. Learners always win.

A lot of people resist the new. Why? I believe it is because their minds are not flexible. And this goes back to learning. They intrinsically expect society to be, and stay like it was when they learned about it (aka when they were children). Most of them believe that that society is the better one, and they long after it. But you know what they never do? They never think of an earlier moment of a society that precedes them. They never apply the same pattern of their thinking to a broader view. Because if they would do it, in the initial step, they would see that applying this pattern leads to believing that all earlier societies were better than the one after that. Which is evidently false. Have an adaptive perception and perspective. Optimize for learning. Have a flexible mind.

Learning is painful sometimes - not painful in a physical way, of course. It can also be fun, but be prepared for hardships.

*A very important caveat! Learners always win, given enough time. Pay attention to what game you are playing and what is that timeline - you must learn, adapt & win before you run out of time.

2. Parents - they are not gods

Your parents are neither infaillable nor gods. Yes, they were already here when you were born, but they are also humans like yourself - with their doubts, dreams, fears, mistakes, convictions or lack thereof. Because they were born before you, your subconcious automatically is programmed to see them as eternal (and it makes sense). But this is completely innacurate. This is why people feel struck by lighting when a parent dies - it is completely against the fabric of their own mind. It is literally shattering. Their minds feel like they breaking. Because they are.

Look at your parents as humans, as friends, as teachers. Look at every other human like you look at yourself. If someone is a human, no need to mistify them, and transform them into gods only because we, as humans, have this inner need of aspiring twoards something greater. This greater thing can also be real. No need to invent fantasies.

3. Introspection - the tool of an explorer

Meditation is the tool of studying your mind, its fabric, and reality around you in its complexity. Through meditation you gain a deep awarness of your existence and more control over your mind, your subconcious, and your body. It is a crucial tool in life.

Find your meditation tool - it can be meditation itself, but it can be prayer, journaling, running, ice baths, sauna, and so on.

4. Life is not short - stop saying that

It feels that life is too short, only when you have not lived it optimally - aka mindlessly, without awareness, following the pack while ignoring the passions from within, ignoring the questions about life & death, putting the ego first and not saying "I am sorry" or "I love you" when (in hindsight) it actually was the easier path.

Stop saying life is short. It is not. But wait, who am I to say this, right? If most older people say it is, and they lived longer than me, then they must be right, no? No. Here is a fact: the majority of people are average, by definition - most students are average, most teachets are average, most programmers are average, most scientists are average, most investors are average, most founders are average, most businesses are average, most parents are average. Average in the sense that not at the top of the game, not excellent, not world class. So most of the people saying life is short, only shows that most of the people do not know how to live life.

But why do they say it, though? Let us investigate a bit. Most people live life on autopilot: they follow rules made by others without questioning them, they consume content made by others, they obey their basic insticts becoming slaves, they are not aware of their bodies, mind, emotions, spirit, they see life as being static, like everything has been discovered, they ignore death. They have curiosities and seeds of questions (e.g., what is the universe), but they almost instantly give up and ignore the impulse of searching a question. They ignore these impulses for as long as humanly possible - that is, unitl they are on the death bed or until they experience a life threatening event. After they realize they lived the wrong way, for others, not pursuing anything genuine, they say "life is short". What makes them realize they lived the wrong way? Panic. Death is not something you can ignore anymore. But here is the funny thing - you actually CAN ignore your own death and die. Many do it. But, it is harder for their relatives to ignore it - even though that also happens, lets be honest. Those who do not ignore it though, realize regretfully how little time they have left and how much they could have done. And they say "life is short".

How not to be like them? There may be many ways, here is one I discovered: introspection & meditation. This way you become aware of the moments you live, you start to appreciate each moment and explore each one.

5. Tabos - artifical constructs of society that have zero value

A tabo is not real. It is artificially created by society. It is social pressure. Be yourself. Do not succumb to it. Speak your mind.

6. Validation - the foundation of your personality must be built on yourself

Everyone needs validation in one form or another. Be aware where you search for it! Inner confidence should be part of the fabric of your subconcious. If your parents didnt include it in the building blocks of your personality, you must add it yourself.

Be aware where you get your validation from, as most people are simply not in the position to give it to you, even though you ask them to do it. This leads to you being hurt, because they will, in one way or another, validate or invalidate you.

Inner confidence should be part of the fabric of your subconcious. If your parents didnt include it in the building blocks of your personality, you must add it yourself. For validation to come from within, you need inner confidence. Best form of validation is not needing it. But to need absolutely zero validation I dont think it is possible. In one way or another, be it even at the most basic level of existence, we search some validation - for example, the most basic level of validation is confirming our perception of how the basic physics work: when I jump, I go up, when I feel thirst, I drink clean water and the thirst goes away.

The best kind of inner confidence is believing that you are able to understand the principles of the reality around you and master them, so that you can be happy. No need to be delusional. Try to be as objective as possible, and validate yourself with facts, not opinions. This is a good starting point. This offers you a strong foundation, which cannot be easily broken, no matter who or what comes to you, how important they seem to be, or how grave the situation seems to be. Your foundation is unbreakable.

7. Dopamine - work for it, do not be a junkie

8. Death - study it, analyize it, do not avoid it.

By studying death, you will be prepared for life. You will immediately see what matters for you, what you should do in most situations, and how you should proceed in life.